Wednesday, March 31, 2010
UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Lets just say...that Stephanie has problems with anxiety! So bad in fact, that my eye has not STOPPED twitching all day...my head is pounding....I have gotten sick....and I am trying to relax.....but it's not working. Dave feels bad for me...but there is nothing he can do.
Also, Stephanie has problems with self-esteem. I am super duper nice to people...but it always backfires....I just don't understand why people are so mean...and FOR NO REASON...I am always left out of things...and always thought of at the last minute.
Sorry for the vent, I am just over it all today.....ANYONE have ANY good news to get me out of this funk???
Total Weight Gained/Loss? Um...the last time they weighed me it was a wash! I am back to my "normal" weight!
Maternity Clothes? Just longer tee-shirts and my regular jeans for now...but I did buy some jeans...the Mediums are too big though...so I don't wear them yet...
Sleep? I have been sleeping better lately since I bought my Body Pillow from BabiesRUs!
Best Moment of the Week? Sleeping better!!!!!! Seriously! I LOVE my sleep!
Movement? Nope...not yet....when should I start though? I am pretty aware of what is going on....
Food Cravings? Um...Apples! And Pasta!
Food aversions? EVERYTHING STILL.....unfortunately.
Morning sickness? Not as bad! I haven't used Zofran in a few days!
Gender? We find out on FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Belly Button? Still there.
What I miss: Not having Round Ligament Stretching....SERIOUSLY those cramps SUCK!!!!!!!
What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the sex Friday....and ordering the crib!
Milestones? Nothing really....just getting ready for FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I am very excited for this appointment, but I am also very nervous. What if things are not going okay? What if he/she is not growing correctly? And there are at least 100 other "what ifs" that keep running through my head. After this appointment, Dave and I are going to be ordering the crib! I am very excited!! But again...if the appointment doesn't go as planned...we will not be ordering the crib....OH BOY...this needs to stop!
Also....my anxiety is back...FULL FLIPPEN SWING...just this past week I have felt so overwhelmed...one of the reasons why I haven't been blogging every single day! School is crazy...and I am just so nervous that I will do so poorly this semester...honestly, that is the last thing I need right now...to worry about school. BUT STILL...Law School is NOT easy!
Dave's Mom has been going to the doctors a lot. It makes me nervous. Her sister was just diagnosed with bone cancer, and my MIL's doctors decided that she should be tested...she had a back injury and it wasn't getting better. Now I get to worry about her too. She is so strong! And is literally the "rock" in their family. When I brought this up to Dave today that I noticed she was going to a lot of appointments he told me he already knew and didn't want to worry me. WORRY ME? BY NOT TELLING ME? So I cried naturally.
And that's it...now I am off to work on my "open memo" hell that I have to deal with....THANK YOU LAW SCHOOL!!!!! :)
Friday, March 26, 2010
When the world seems to crumble down around you, remember, you have been there done that, and picked up the pieces and moved on before. There is nothing that you can not do, nothing that is too hard, just believe in yourself and trust that you will make the right decisions. And if you don't know what to do, you always have Dave to turn to. And you know, he is always right.
When you get into a "small" tiff with your husband, don't forget about the good times and remember that this is just a small tiff. You have been through the toughest situations with him, and honestly, leaving the toilet seat up once a year is not grounds for ripping off his head.
When you get stressed...stop what you are doing, relax, and remember that you can NOT always control the situation. You can not control traffic, the weather, and other people around you, but you can control yourself.
And know, that sometimes it is okay to cry. And if you feel like it, go for it. And don't worry what the other drivers besides you are thinking, or how your husband thinks your crazy for crying at a commercial....you have every right to cry when you want to.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
It just started out bad...and no matter how positive I've been...someone somewhere has it out for me...Karma....yup...I probably said something last night at school that pissed someone off (I do have a rather large mouth that can hardly contain my thoughts and feelings about the HCR...and being in Law School...one must debate these sorts of topics, and NO I did NOT go to the bathroom during class...and look at the girl in the corner of the room and smile because she was suffering, you see she can't leave...if you leave you can not come back....but I have a free pass thanks to the ever growing baby bump..that is right...SUFFER...LOL JK JK JK...see what I mean though. LARGE mouth, a LOT of thoughts) andddd now today is my day to suffer.....
It started with Dave coming home from work at 4:40 am. That is the usual. But my alarm was to go off today at 5:30 *don't ask why....because you REALLY don't want to know...REALLY*...so I was then awake at 4:40 NOT able to fall back to sleep.
Since then not only have I stubbed the SAME toe 3 times, but I have walked into one of those window crank opener thingers.....I have also burned Macaroni....DON'T ask...LOL
So...I now know...keep my mouth shut at school...don't make people jealous that they don't have a bathroom pass....andddd well...wear closed toe shoes if I fail to do those other two....
P.S. ALSO my NONSTICK pan...is NOT a Not So NONstick...if you catch my drift. :(
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
follow your blog,
or just want to say hi...
the best way to contact me is VIA email:
OR of course by commenting on my blog! :)
It may take me a bit to get back to you...but seeing as though the email address is attached to my droid (which I am addicted to)...you should get a quick response!
So the NOT so great information you will learn about us is that we had been trying to have a baby since November 2007....
Our first pregnancy ended at 11 weeks 4 days, when we were told by the OBGYN that we had a blighted ovum (also known as an “anembryonic pregnancy”). A Blighted Ovum happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. I had a D&C in July of 2008.
Our second pregnancy, my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) put me on Clomid in March of 09 (after not having my period since July...we jump started it...and got my system going), and my first month of Clomid, I got a BFP!! But after my first trimester screening results came in...we found that the PAPP-A level was only a .7 and the Genetic Counselor gave us the option of a CVS or an Amnio. At 15 weeks I had the amnio and the test came back that there was chromosomal abnormalities. Our baby had a skeletal dysplasia, her limbs were measuring smaller than they should; along with a missing kidney; a hole in her heart; only one vessel inside of her umbilical cord instead of three; and a bowed femur. The Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor was amazing and very compassionate. Unfortunately our baby did not survive. I had a D&E in July of 09 at 18 weeks 4 days pregnant.
After being crushed twice and feeling like my life was over....Dave and I decided to let things happen on their own for the next six months. We decided to live our lives again. We had put everything on hold since 2007. We booked vacations, we spent money we had been saving, and I started Law School! We had an appointment set up for January 21st, 2010 with the RE to decide what our next steps would be...
In December of 2009, I had my period. Every month it was a battle when Aunt Flow came. It was not fair! I mean, I am 20 something years old! I am happy, married, healthy...WHY wasn't it working for us!? We decided that this was the month where we were going to be taking a break. We had a cruise at the beginning of January, and well, I was going to be able to drink and go crazy with excursions if I was not pregnant! So that was the plan...WE THOUGHT....
On our cruise at the beginning of January, I never got my period. It just didn't show up! And I had been beyond regular since after the D&E in July. Half way through our trip...we bought a test at the Walgreen's in San Juan, Puerto Rico. We went into Senor Frogs to eat lunch and I ordered a very LARGE Margarita....(they are my favorite)..well...Dave said that before I drank it that I had better go take a test. And that is exactly what I did. I took the test...and didn't even get my pants buttoned, or washed my hands, or ANYTHING....I just came right out of the bathroom and showed Dave the test...IT WAS POSITIVE. We BOTH cried.
This pregnancy happened ON it's own. Everything, all test, EVERYTHING has come back "more than normal". And although we are still skeptics that this is for real and still cautious...AND STILL PRAY EVERY SINGLE DAY...we are ECSTATICALLY PREGNANT!!!! Our first trimester levels came back and we did not need another amnio! And with the growing baby bump...and the pushed up due date to September 14th, 2010...it looks like ALL of our dreams are finally going to come true!
Dave and I met in the spring of 2004. I was attending college in the city, and came home days off/long weekends to work at the local YWCA (I would volunteer). My boss told me that she just hired someone to work the "sports area" for the summer....and she decided to bring him on early to help out in the gym for the after school care. I was happy that we had someone who was good at sports, and would be able to help the camp! But I didn't expect him!
Now, I worked and volunteered at this Y for years..and here comes this boy thinking he was "hot stuff"...literally... I was NOT impressed (at first). Well...come to find out, Dave went home the very day we met and told everyone that he had met "THE ONE"...(yes "the one" that he was going to marry).
So fast forward to summer and Dave and I worked together full time. He was amazing with the kids, was all about his family, and he wanted a big family. Well....WE SAW EACH OTHER EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is where Dave wasn't nice to me...he would say hi to everyone else except me...(SERIOUSLY?) I would go home and tell my friends that he was mean, etc. Then Dave started hanging out with my best friend at the time *who worked at the camp with us*...and I would always be there...because come on...we had plans first and he was joining us....and this is how we slowly became friends.
Well, Dave started becoming really nice to me. And well...I started to like him...back! He asked me a few times to go out on a date, and I continued to turn him down. I had a boyfriend at the time and I don't believe in "cheating". This is when Dave asked me on a date. Like a real date. I had dated boys before...but not like this. He showed up with yellow roses...brought me out to eat, then we went to the beach where he laid down a blanket, pulled out a radio....and we watched the fireworks from the other beach across the way...literally we had the whole beach to ourselves (don't worry, I behaved...really...I have always been a good girl!)
This started a month long of dating, he was amazing. He treated me amazing. I actually didn't think that I was good enough for him....(did I mention that I think my husband is very good looking?) AND THEN in July he asked me to be his girlfriend. We bought our Condo in April of 2005, we were engaged April 2006...got married March 2007...and had our baby September 2010!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Dave and I have been super busy:
- We have had a doctors appt (where we met with another doctor in the practice, we have one in which I LOVE....met with the second one who we like a lot....and now have met with a third doctor whom we don't really enjoy. She was nice...thought we would be SO excited about hearing the heartbeat ....lady....I own a doppler....COME ON...LOL....and she thought I was crazy for owning one...she didn't say so, but I could see her face. AND she didn't read my chart....so she was asking me questions that were clearly marked...AND she said I was 14 weeks...WHICH I am not... Yes ladies...I AM OFFICIALLY 15 weeks).
- We found a crib...yes...I am crazy, I know that we are so early in this pregnancy...but we've decided to find the crib, so we knew what to do about the "other" furniture. I have a dresser and bureau in which we will be staining to match, and Dave wants to get this done while the weather is not too hot and not too cold! But since it was 70 degrees Saturday and now 40's today...we sort of jumped the gun....BUT we know now what stain to get.
- I took an AT HOME pregnancy gender prediction test. AND as of now...my guess was right...the test confirmed my "feeling", yes, I had a feeling recently on what this baby is...and when the test showed the color that I thought...I was not that surprised!
- AANDDD what else....hmm...nothing really! School has started back up from Spring Break.....and so I am back to having NO LIFE. It was such a nice week to have off too...it was 60's allllll week!
- OHHH I almost forgot....I am getting a new blog design!! YES! WAHOO!! SO EXCITED! And I got an email saying she was getting started on it soon! You are looking at a serious blogger now folks! :)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Total Weight Gained/Loss? I only go by the doctor's scale ...and I haven't been there in a bit...but I will be getting on it on the 22nd!
Maternity Clothes? I wish! I don't really have any! Just two pairs of pants...but I will be going shopping this weekend! Dave gets paid Thursday! WAHOO!!!
Sleep? Hardly. Seriously, I need to get some! I am so nervous about sleeping on my back....I can not sleep on my side. AND I wake up when I do sleep ON my stomach. It was a rough night last night...BUT I did notice that when Dave gets home from work *around 4ish am* I get the best sleep...maybe the baby misses him too! lol!!
Best Moment of the Week? Getting my appointment for the Level II Ultrasound! And telling our family and friends that we are pregnant. I am happy that everyone knows now! It is so much easier having friends know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also posted it on Facebook! :)
Movement? Nope...not yet....but I am nervous...I have never felt it before....but I am looking forward to it. But I swear the baby is awake at night, and HATES loud music...I always get sick when the music is too loud...strange huh?
Food Cravings? NOTHING seriously....
Food aversions? EVERYTHING.....unfortunately.
Morning sickness? ALLLL DAY EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!! Hello baby....we are in our 2nd trimester now...can we PLEASE not be sick???
Gender? We find out on the 2nd hopefully!
Belly Button? Still there.
What I miss: Not feeling a sharp pain when I sneeze. Sleeping through the night. No more moodswings....lol!!
What I'm looking forward to: Feeling happy about this whole thing! Every single time I am...someone shoots me down. AND getting to go shopping this weekend for new clothes!
Milestones? Nothing really....just getting ready for next week's appt and then the 2nd!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
So I am technically 14w2d....I skipped a whole week (well 5 days)!! Fabulous!!
Anddddddd so I told the rest of our family and friends this weekend!!! And then posted it on facebook!
I now have a regular ob appointment on the 22nd (next Mon) anddddd then I guess the Monday after that we have our level II ultrasound where we learn the sex of the baby!!!!
A few friends read this blog...so I won't be revealinggggg the sex....but if someone knows how to make a poll..that would be great!
We've decided to let everyone know the sex with their baby shower invitation color!!!!! Sooo you rlf (real life friends) will just have to wait!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
After a lot of blood and a lot of panic/almost passing out (literally, Dave had to ask me NOT to pass out)...Dave and I went to the doctors office.
Here we had another ultrasound and she did an exam only to find that things are still going good. Really good. The baby was measuring ahead, and the heartbeat was 155bpm. And so our estimated due date is still the 19th of September, but the baby is showing the 14th...sooo we shall see what happens. So I am either 12w6d today orrrrr 13w4d.....
THANK GOD things were ok...THANK GOD
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I have made some decisions, but I am still confused, but I will get there. I will decide what is best for me and my family...with Dave's help of course!
I have decided to continue with school this semester. I want to finish what I have started so far. And take a semester off to have the baby. I have also decided to apply to another College in the area to continue to get my Masters Degree, this way, if I decide not go to back to Law School I can go to the other college. This way, all my bases are covered. The other college will hold my application for a year, and it is free this month to apply....so why not!
SO thank you all again! I greatly appreciate all of your help!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
TODAY IS A GOOOODDD DAY! Dave and I are so happy! I actually cried on the phone when I heard....the Genetic Counselor probably thinks I am so crazy! We still have our appointment around 16 weeks....and if things don't look good then...we will have an Amnio...BUT for now...
Monday, March 8, 2010
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously it is just for me to decide. But I can not do this much longer. I miss being home. I miss being with my husband. I miss being able to relax. Dave wont care either way. He knows that I am unhappy. And he knows that I will be down on myself for quitting...because I am not a quitter...
So many things to think about...that and how many other people I would be letting down...but shouldn't I just worry about myself and my husband and my unborn baby?
I really need some help....If any one has any advice? support? wisdom? I am available by email.... StephaEspo@gmail.com
The nuchal translucency was 1.5mm (normal range is 0-2.5 mm).
Now we wait for our blood test levels to come back either Wednesday or Thursday.
Wish us luck! I hope this is it for real this time!!!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Wish us luck :(
Friday, March 5, 2010
Hellloooo ladies.....so this list has been going around....and I wanted to do it too!!
The post is a list of 99 things you could have done, and you are supposed to highlight the ones that you yourself have done
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disney World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch, Does dance count????
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – If I got ALL A's in HS, my mom would let me skip a day!
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person -
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David-
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt-
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant -
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business-
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt -
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job - Does being laid off count?
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person –
80. Published a book/poem
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper –
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve –
86. Visited the White House -
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating –
88. Had chickenpox –
89. Saved someone’s life -
90. Sat on a jury -
91. Met someone famous –
92. Joined a book club -
93. Got a tattoo – too much of a wuss!
94. Had a baby – I hope soon!
95. Seen the Alamo in person -
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake -
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
AND that is it....I have done A LOT of these things...with a bunch still left to do!!
But I can not help but feel badly for those like me, who for so long waiting for their BFP...so many of you have been there with me (and you too know what it is like when you got your bfp), and YOU ALL hated AF, hated when she would show her ugly face EVERY single month.
So I want you to go and see: After The Alter because AF just showed up, and she needs some extra love today...she feeling like a lot of us have felt. She's a trooper! And sooo super sweet!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
It is time to P-A-R-T-Y it up!!!! I went home to a warm house...the girls (my two dogs) were amazing...and I slept for 9 hours! YES...9 straight hours...uninterrupted (except to pee twice...but that is expected now)
So...that is that!! Now to find a generator...one that I can get hooked into our Natural Gas...so it automatically turns on when I loose my power next time!!!
AND I put on my size 8 Abercrombie Jeans (which is a real size 6...Abercrombie runs so small)....and they fit perfectly! WAHOO!! I know I should not be that happy about still loosing weight...but I haven't been a 6 since 2007! Fabulous!!!! :)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
No, we don't have a generator, but we're buying one when the prices are not so inflated...it is insane how much they raised the prices! So we shall be purchasing one, and very soon! We will not be doing this again!!
I slept at my in laws again, and well...it was ok, until my fil came home from work at midnight...the dogs went nuts! And then Dave came home at 5...and they were up again!! Sooooo I then had to get up at 6....so it was not the best sleep...but it was better than sleeping at my moms house! Her husband smokes...and I am allergic to smoke, so my eyes bothered me allll day yesterday!
So please pray that today is the day!!! Power shall be returned!!
UPDATE: NO POWER until MIDDAY tomoooooorrrrooooowwwww :(
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
So last Thursday we lost power....I live in an area that was hit the hardest in NH...and well...we still don't have power! I stayed Fri/Sat with my SIL...Sun with my In-laws....Monday with my mom...and tonight back to the In-laws..... NH Electric Co-Op says we should be back and running by Wednesday night....which would be amazing!!
I did have to call 911 this weekend....the power lines were down by my house...and well...they caught on fire! Yes...it looked like a huge bonfire....but alas...it was the power lines! There are trees still down everywhere!
On top of that I have been busy with schoolwork...I have had do create a legal memo for my writing class...basically...it is the DEATH of me...the first draft is over...and passed in! BUT I will be receiving it back again to revamp and resend!
OTHER than living like a gypsies and doing tons of homework...I have been playing with my friends baby....yeah...the one who I was jealous over...well...SHE IS ADORABLE! How can you not fall in love with a baby? I just can't!
OH AND I almost forgot....I HAVE LOST 8lbs this month....the OBGYN wasn't too worried...she just wants me to gain 2lbs by the 29th of this month....and the babies heart rate was 155!! EXCITING! We also have our first trimester screening next Monday....eekk...
SOOO LADIES....I hope to be back sooner this next time...and I hope to have power..wish me luck :)