1 : marked by firm steadfast resolution or faithfulness :
I have been fooled, like most girls, most women, into thinking that there is such a thing as "Happily Ever After". Fooled into thinking that things should not be as hard as they are. That things should come easy.
I have started to look at this current trend and have become sick with worry and guilt that I may be putting this on my daughter as well.
Today, I blame myself for things that have happened in my life. Not someone else. I blame me, but I also rejoice that I am me. That things have happened for a reason. That they will happen. An that no matter how hard I wish and try for them to stay constant, they won't be able to.
I am a very passive aggressive person. I will not come right out and tell you why I am upset. I expect you to, but I will not. I argue a lot. And not just argue. But if I really have a passion or a strong view on something I convince you to think the same (which is why I was told to go to Law School to begin with). I haven't been doing this lately. I have been giving up. When things get tough, or I just want to push buttons I will, but won't come up with the answer to why I am doing such a thing or try to convince them otherwise. I have started to feel insecure of my decisions and my reasoning, and that is not me.
What happened to my steady, constant, happiness, confidence and the drive I used to have?
How did I let things get like this?
How did I let others to make me feel like this. To constantly put me down so I believed them. To feel bad about being excluded from the group.
I am not letting this happen anymore. I am sticking up for me. I am good enough and people like me for me. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to be settled for. I can go back to that girl who was always smiling and happy. Who had something great to look forward to every single day. I will make this a huge priority in my life.